My Turn, Ten Facts About Me

Recently on a few of the blogs I follow, bloggers posted ten random facts about themselves. No one asked me to post ten facts about yours truly (most people know better) but I've never been one to let common sense interfere with a really stupid idea. So here goes. I've got ten of my own that will shock, appall, amuse, delight and stupefy. Enjoy!

1. I once crossed the Alps on stilts.

2. A drunken Jodie Foster once seduced me mistaking me for an oddly proportioned woman. (That's her mug, above.)

3. I am an opium addict and frequent the neighborhood opium den.

4. For two years in the 80's I was world heavyweight boxing champion.

5. Though a vegetarian I occasionally like to eat raw squirrels. In fact I prefer them to still be alive when I begin my repast.

6. I like shovels a lot. In fact, I really dig them.

7. My seven favorite days of the week are (in no particular order): Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.

8. My favorite hobby is performing unnecessary surgery on the elderly -- without anesthetic.

9. I started the whole Abe Lincoln was gay thing.

10. My favorite color is blue.