Jersey Shore: A Jewelry Primer

Guidos and Guidettes? Get out your notepads. I've just returned from an anthropological field study of the phenomenon known as Jersey Shore, and the resulting primer will set yous guys up for a wonderland of Seaside-inspired jewelry couture.

Jersey Shore Jewelry Tip #1 - Gold Chains:

It goes without saying, right? Gold chains rule The Shore style for guys, and the bigger the better. The show's cast has a penchant for the cross pendant - but it's clear there is an open door policy for anything weighing more than a Keystone Light.

Jersey Shore Jewlery Tip #2 - Studded Leather

Nothing sets off the 'chiseled ab under Ed Hardy T-shirt and back tats' look quite like the ubiquitious leather studded guy cuff. Cross and skull styles preferred.

Jersey Shore Jewelry Tip #3 - Double Diamond Stud Earrings

What better way to set off the gel than with oversized ice on both ears. A guy-only JS jewelry look, the double stud is a great way to transition from 20-something life as a hot-tub hookup king to 30-something adulthood as a car salesman - or bar back.

Jersey Shore Jewelry Tip #4 - Gold Hoops

While it's not an ideal choice for your weekend dance floor cat fight, the women of Jersey Shore like to adorn the ears with the giant gold hoop earring to set off the well-disguised hair extension. And if you can pair them with an unseemly underarm sweat stain - all the better.

Jersey Shore Jewelry Tip #5 - Nose and Belly Rings

Females who shun skin baring, hip hugging, cleavage spilling frocks in exchange for the covered up look of a Quaker are few and far between 'down the shore'. Enter the belly ring (for blinging up the bikini - a Shore staple), and the surprisingly tasteful sparkle of a nose ring - the perfect way to soften the blow of an unwelcome frat boy punch.

For more Jersey Shore fashionista news, check out today's Los Angeles Times article about the MTV phenomenon. And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go rock the beats, perfect my Jell-O shot recipe and fine tune my 'hippo charge'.

Peace.