Careers I Considered and the Reasons That I Didn't Pursue Them

Eighteen months ago I left my position as a full time middle school teacher (I know, who even tries to teach those kids, right?) to pursue something that didn't involve a room full of lunatics (no, I'm not referring to a faculty meeting). Before deciding on teaching ESL, I considered a vast number of other careers. Below is a list of some of those careers I considered and across from each is the reason I decided against it. I hope this will prove instructive to anyone out there looking to change careers.

Wet Nurse - Am wrong gender.

Philanthropist - Must supply own money.

Town Crier - Thought it was just a matter of sobbing a lot.

Pope - Am not Catholic.

Socialite - Must be social.

Handyman - Not particularly handy.

Taxidermist - Turns out it has nothing to do with taxis.

Francophile - It's the love of French culture not a paid profession.

Shipping magnate - Must supply own ships.

Gruppenfuhrer - Neither German nor a Nazi.

Typewriter salesman - Business is surprisingly slow.

Serf - The pay is awful.

Masseur for Padma Lashmi (pictured above) - She has a restraining order against me.

Musketeer - Don't own a musket.

Iceman - People tend to use refrigerators these days.

Soda jerk - My experience being a jerk not applicable.

Groom of the stool - Not as glamorous as it sounds . See link.

Fox News Commentator -Disqualified due to functioning brain.

Catapult operator - Actually still considering this one. Would be fun to hurl huge boulders against and inside castle walls.