Celebrity New Year Resolutions for 2009

Here are some New Year’s resolutions from your favorite celebrities for 2009:

Michael Phelps

1. Go into hiding and remain underwater until the 2012 Olympics in London.
2. Star as Aquaman in the Aquaman movie.
3. Sell my 8 gold medals on Ebay if I go broke from this bad economy.

Amy Winehouse

1. Get my Grammy award back that I gave to a local drug dealer for some crack.
2. Write a sequel to my hit song 'Rehab' titled 'Back to Rehab.'
3. Become an American citizen to party and get high with Lindsay Lohan.

Ashley Dupree

1. Apologize in person to Governor Eliot Spitzer’s wife and hope she doesn’t drop kick me.
2. Start a singing career and come out with an album nobody will ever buy.
3. Open my own brothel and call it Client 69.
4. Get President Barack Obama’s phone number.

O.J. Simpson

1. Escape from prison and kill the guy who framed me.
2. Find Nicole’s killers.
3. Make prank calls to the Goldmans.

Plaxico Burress

1. Carry around a toy gun so I won’t shoot myself in the leg next time.
2. Call the New York Giants and tell them to hold a spot for me in the lineup when I get out of prison.
3. Share a cell with Michael Vick.

Lindsay Lohan

1. Start acting in bad movies again.
2. Run over the paparazzi with the car from Herbie Fully Loaded.
3. Get married to my boyfriend Samantha Ronson.

Miley Cirus

1. Dump my relationship with the Disney Channel because I don’t need them anymore.
2. Become more popular than Britney Spears.
3. Get pregnant.

Sarah Palin

1. Strangle Tina Fey for ruining my chances as Vice President of the United States.
2. Star in my own talk show since Oprah doesn’t want me on hers.
3. Put Senator John McCain in a retirement home.
4. Show my daughters how to use birth control.

Tina Fey

1. Kidnap Sarah Palin and disguise myself as her to run for president in 2012.
2. Have Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan kicked off of 30 Rock so I can be the main star.
3. Buy NBC once I become a huge star.

Brangelina

1. Adopt more kids from all over the world.
2. Send a picture of our happy family to Jennifer Aniston to make her jealous.
3. Run for President and Vice President in eight years.