Osama bin Laden

If you haven’t heard by now Osama bin Laden has come out with a new video that was shown on television today. It seems like every three months there’s a new Osama bin Laden video. This guy has released more videos than Kelly Clarkson. Enough already! I’m tired of seeing Osama bin Laden’s ugly Jihad face on my TV screen. He looks like an anorexic Santa Claus. He’s dirty and hairy. He looks like he hasn’t showered in years….since the Flintstones were cancelled. A hooker’s butt crack is cleaner than him. I don’t know why he isn’t dead yet. He lives in a cave with a bunch of dudes (and who knows what they’re doing in there) and he has no food or assets. He should be a corpse right now, but he isn’t because it’s like he’s getting stronger. He’s like the Incredible Hulk. The more he threatens America, the stronger he gets. And the more he watches VH1, the angrier he gets. Osama bin Laden hates America so much, but he loves our technology. He uses Hi-tech cameras and the internet. In the video, he’s even caught using the iPhone. Son of a bitch.
We need to bribe this guy to come out of hiding. Maybe if we send Paris Hilton over there to have sex with him, he’ll come out. Why can’t we find Osama bin Laden? Why can’t we just send Dog the Bounty hunter to look for him. Dog will do a good job. Maybe. When we do capture Osama bin Laden (which will be in 2030), we need to torture him by making him watch the Ellen DeGeneres Show. I hate Osama bin Laden. I hope he gets molested by a mountain lion.