Jesus: Lord or Ladies man?

With Christmas approaching, some new revelations about Jesus Christ have surfaced. For centuries we believed that Jesus was a good moral man sent by God to spread Christianity. According to lost gospels recently discovered by archaeologists, that’s not the only thing Jesus wanted to spread. In fact, these new gospels paint a different picture of Jesus, or as I like to call him – Dr. J, because he performed miracles. When we think of Jesus we think of a messiah, savior, saint, and last but not least, a carpenter. But according to these new gospels, Jesus was a stud more than he was a savior; a playa more than he was a preacher. In the gospels, written by anonymous women who knew Jesus personally (if you know what I mean), Jesus fornicated with women from Galilee to Judea. Several women claim to have had liaisons with him. One woman writes, “Me and another woman had a threesome with Jesus on the day of Sabbath. He didn’t even bother to wear a condom.” This account of Jesus fornicating with women is just a small part of these new gospels set to be released in early 2007 right before the Oscars. These manuscripts entitled “XXX files of Jesus Christ” accounts Jesus’ early sex life (looking up girl’s skirts and losing his virginity at the age of 14), baby mommas (getting women pregnant and not paying child support), and his penis size (Jesus was hung like a black man).” Also, these gospels entail accounts of Jesus taking women out to dinner and turning water into wine. Many historians and scholars have questioned Jesus’ relationship with Mary Magdalene. According to one woman who knew Magdalene, Jesus was Magdalene’s pimp and he would slap her when she didn’t bring back his money. Reading these lost gospels make you visualize Jesus as a Brad Pitt of his day. These gospels are a fascinating read, even better than the Davinci Code. These new documents may challenge our ideology of Jesus Christ, but they will never challenge our belief and faith in him. Whether these gospels are true or not, one thing is for sure, Jesus will always be an American Idol.