Stuck In a Puddle

       So I know I said I knew what my next blog was going to be, I do....its just not the next blog. Im not sure why but I dont feel like writing about what I planned on. Im actually not even sure if and when I will write about what I thought I was. Cant decide if its something I want to keep to myself or share? Which is odd because its not like embarrassing, awkward, or explicit. Just a normal thing I would write about, part of me wants to keep it like my little secret I suppose. The other part thinks it might not actually happen if I talk about it? Call me crazy!

 So instead im going to write about this; 

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. 

John Lennon (1940 - 1980), "Beautiful Boy"

Its under my "blog title" so Im sure you've read it before. I just read it again today and was thinking about it and relating it to my current life. I am the epitome of this quote currently. Im so caught up in planning my future life because my future life "will be greener on the other side" more or less. Or thats how I picture it in my head. I mean most people would look at my situation and have to agree to an extent. The thing is that im so caught up in my future life that I forget I have to live in the present, act upon past actions to better the future. But if im so wrapped up in the future, how do I prepare and achieve the future I want. I think some days its just too painful to live in the present. 

My mom read a short little talk today out of the Ensign I think (it couldve been the new era?). It talked about this lady who realized that blogging wasnt the best thing for her. She was mostly talking about technology in general (which is what the main talk is on in the ensign this month by David A. Bednar). I agree that you have to limit yourself to your technology, but as my mom was reading it I couldnt help but feel bitter. Also earlier today my Dad asked if I knew how many of my waking hours I spend on my computer, of course I dont keep track, but his basic point was that im on it too much. I agree with him, that I dont need to constantly be on the computer, but I dont have a job, when im not on the comp I read/eat/play with boston, I find things to do I just resort back to my technology. So when my mom read the article and the ladies main concept was that blogging was taking over her life, she didnt spend enough time with her children, wasnt getting enough sleep, wasnt spending time with her husband. Normal daily things she would choose to blog instead! I got bitter because blogging right now in my life is one of those things that gets me through the day. That sounds so stupid! But its where I get to be myself and I dont always feel like I can be that at home. I can just release and be content and happy when blogging. Yes I love getting comments, but when it comes down to it I could care less if others read it (although I greatly appreciate it), its my release from life I suppose. Which ties back into my quote.......Im stuck in a world in not living! Can that be so harmful? I dont have a job, or anything else to keep me busy during the day. I feel safe in saying im not addicted to it, I just really enjoy it. Blerg! Well hey at least this is my BIG dilemma of the week right? 

(did anyone follow my scattered brain?haha)