My Christmas Wish List

This year I want a lot of stuff for Christmas. I've made a wish list and I've sent a copy to Santa just in case. I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was in high school. If the things on my wish list magically appear on Christmas morning, in my living room, I'll start believing in Santa Claus again. Until then, I'm still doubtful whether there is a Santa Claus, and I can only hope that I get what I've wished for. Here's my wish list for Christmas:

Million dollars

I could sure use a million dollars, especially during this recession. I would spend my million dollars wisely. I'd spend it on a mansion, girls, parties, and Pay-Per View. I would give to charity too. Maybe.

Helicopter

Having a helicopter would make my life so much easier. No more waiting for the bus. No more hour long subway rides. No more speed walking to a place I have to be in five minutes. I would just get into my helicopter and fly to to that place. I could also fly to other states. I would love to visit Hollywood. I could also make grand entrances at parties by landing my helicopter in front of the club. And then I'd get arrested.

Scarlett Johansson & Christina Milian

It's no secret that I love these two girls. I want to have a three some with both of them. And I want to get both of them pregnant....at the same time. Getting them for Christmas would be better than winning a million dollars.

New York Giants playoff tickets

The Giants are the best team in the NFL right now. They're going to the playoffs for the fourth year in a row and I want tickets. I've been to a Yankee game and a Knick game, but I've never been to a Giant game. I need to see the reigning Superbowl champs defend their title. Where's those damn ticket scalpers when you need them. If I do get the chance to go to a Giant playoff game, maybe Plaxico Burress will be sitting next to me watching with the fans. I hope he's not carrying a loaded gun this time.

DeLorean time machine

The car that Marty McFly used to time travel to the past in Back to the Future. I've always wanted one of these ever since I was a little kid. If I ever got this time machine, I would go back into the past and give Hitler an ass whooping of a lifetime. I would also go back in time and run over the 9/11 terrorists. I would also like to go back in time to meet Marilyn Monroe. Then I would have sex with her.

Times Square

I would love to have Times Square for one day all to myself. I could go buy some stuff, go eat, watch a play without tourists crowding the streets and blocking my path. And I wouldn't have to see the Naked cowboy playing a tune in front of me in his underwear. I would look at the buildings all around me and take a nap right in the center of Times Square. Hopefully a bird doesn't shit on my head while I'm sleeping.

Strip club

Times Square is home to a few strip clubs. Strip clubs are the best. They say dogs are man's best friends, no they're not. Strip clubs are man's best friends. The strippers at these clubs make you feel like a legend. They dance for you and perform magic tricks on your lap. I would love to have a strip club in my house. If I had one, I would never leave my house.

Super powers

Everyone wishes they had super powers. Super powers give you an advantage over everyone else. I've always wanted super powers ever since I was a toddler. I want to have x-ray vision, invisibility, or super strength. X-ray vision would allow me to look through girl's clothes. That would be better than watching porn. Invisibility would allow me to sneak into a Giants playoff game or a girl's apartment. Super strength would allow me to have sex for more than five minutes. Sex would last for hours. I'd be Superman!

Barack Obama coin

These Barack Obama coins are being sold everywhere. I've seen them advertised on infomercials, commercials, newspapers, and magazines. These coins are collectible items. I want one of these Obama coins. I want one so I can save and show to my kids in the future or sell it on eBay. Maybe that's how I can get a million dollars.

Xbox 360

This is the one item on this list that I know I'm definitely getting. The others are up in the air. Let's see what Santa thinks about my wish list: