CONDOMS

The worsest feeling in the world is when you're about to have sex and you reach into your pocket for a condom and there's nothing in there. That's the worsest feeling in the world. You can get shot in the stomach and not feel the way you feel when you don't have a condom for sex. Most girls will always ask if you brought a condom. You'll never find a girl who says, "Fuck condoms. I want to have un protective sex. I want a baby." You'll never find a girl who says that. Never! Girls play it safe. They're always prepared. Girls will provide you with a condom if you don't have one. But you have to be careful. Some girls will give you a defective condom with holes in it. You put the condom on and the next thing you know you're taking a paternity test on the Maury Povich Show. I don't want that to happen to me. That's why I check for holes in a condom beforehand with my flashlight and binoculars. I don't want to get any girl pregnant. And I don't want herpes.

In my old neighborhood, when the drug dealers ran out of drugs to sell, they sold condoms. The drug dealers knew that everybody in my neighborhood was having sex, so they capitalized on that by selling condoms to everyone. Even little kids. The little kids thought it was candy until they opened the package and saw what looked like a water balloon. In the summertime, the kids filled the condoms up with water and threw it at each other. No one in the neighborhood even bothered to tell these kids that they were playing with condoms, not balloons. The drug dealers made a lot of money. They sold the condoms at discount price. One Trojan cost $1. Not bad. The cops couldn't arrest these drug dealers because they were protecting the people in the neighborhood instead of killing them. One time I saw a cop buy two packs from a drug dealer around the corner.